My Hate Group Has a Goddess

[Vivienne]

My "Healing Through Hatred" is going swimmingly.

But, first, let me say that people are simply terrified of hate or repulsed or both. I used to said, "Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it." Not anymore.

Friends try everything in their power to get me to use another word. They beg me to reconsider. But, I will not.

Then, they have to reassure themselves that I am not in some way self-destructive. They are convinced that I am in some magical and mysterious way harming myself just by hating some rotten tomatoes who never deserved me in the first place.

A friend of mine told me that I like too many people and that she hardly likes anyone. She explained to me that I let other people do the choosing and that I do not get to make choices. This was like a thunderbolt from the sky to me! It is interwoven with the theme of hatred so closely. Because, I have ended up with a bunch of people that I loathe.

So, this is the friend that I have elevated to the goddess of my Hate Group which, honestly, is just me and one other person who is in a similar situation to mine. So, now we are a hate group of two with a goddess. Way cool!

The theme of my life thus far has been the fear that I am unlikeable. I am terrified that people don't like me and that I am unlikeable and unlovable. So, I have NOT been asking myself if I liked or loved other people--or if they were worthy of me and my friendship. Very narcissistic. I know, I know.

I am calling these not good people "frienemies." I probably heard that on Oprah or Dr. Phil. They are the "Mean Women" -- the "Mean Girls" grown up.

I have been easy prey--because even though I am loud, and aggressive, and outspoken and a know-it-all and a smarty pants (my daughter told me that one :>) and pedantic... I am straightforward and honest.

And, they are deceitful and manipulative and social climbing and alpha dogs and fundamentally conniving bitches.

So, I have had a tendency to collect not very good people--and I don't mean people that are a little quirky. I have people in my life who are not good and decent people and who should never have been in my life.

Those are the people that are finding their way onto my hate list and out the door--down the toilet, actually. I like that image better and since I am indulging myself...

I did something very manipulative and mean--the kind of thing that I don't think that I have ever done before in my entire life and it was very fun. I am quite proud.

For reasons unbeknownst to me--being a straightforward person--some of the women that I know make a huge secret of their social doings. This is rather self-centered as it assumes that others are obsessed with what one is doing. Be that as it may...

I found out that one of the ladies (and I do use that term very loosely) invited the members of one her social groups to her "cabin" but did not invite the ladies from another group--even though there is considerable overlap. And, she tried to keep it a secret. Aha, because they are all overgrown teenagers!

So, when the largely uninvited group was together, I said to one of the invited women (who overlapped :>), "Did you have fun at the cabin this weekend?" in my very friendliest and brightest tones. She almost choked on her salad but recovered nicely and pretended that this was not a big secret.

Then, when Cabin Woman's best friend arrived, I asked very sweetly, "Did you go to the cabin this weekend?" She was on it! She sharply replied, "Why would you assume that I went to the cabin?" And, I said, "Oh, Cabin Lady had the other group up and I thought you might have gone!"

Now, I know that you are all looking down on me and thinking that this is very petty--if anyone reads any of this at all. But, remember that I skipped the phase as a teenager and that these women are meaner than junk yard dogs and do not give two hoots about me. If you believe that children have to go through every phase of development to mature normally, then, I just have to go through this phase! It won't last long because it is boooorrrrrrinnnnnggggg.

Next, I am making a "Friendship Report Card." Yes, I am. I am making a list of the Individual Qualities and the Social Qualities that I admire in people. Then, I am going to grade the Frienemies over the next year and then I will be moving on in life.

In the meantime, I have been the happiest that I have ever been. I feel the most socially comfortable that I have ever felt. And, far from being alone, I feel closer to the real friends that I have--including cyber friends!

[Lupa]

I TOTALLY get this. I even have a comparable story of similar highschool clique tackiness perpetrated by grown women. Last year some of us were going to a meeting on Sunday but then some others were not going. It seemed odd. There were like 6 of us there; key characters were missing. I went nosing around. Wine and beer bottles in recycling. Snack food in fridge. As we started I said, "Gee, whats with all the liquor bottles? Was there a party last night?" She sputtered something about not wanting to mixup some people with some other people they might not like. I looked around and said, "Well girls welcome to the B List." At least have the decency to take out the recycling, huh?